Let's talk 2021- is it gonna be another 2020?

Can we all agree that resolutions are only relevant in January? 

Remember your 2020 resolutions? I bet that went downhill quicker than your grades. 

So in light of last year's events (that certainly would stretch to this year. I hate to break it down to you but the covid ain't going anywhere soon), let's just get rid of all expectations for 2021. Funny in December 2020, I thought the moment 2021 hits, everything would go back to "normal". I was extremely close to claiming 2021 to be "my year". I am usually a realist, read: negative-minded person. Because apparently, "realistic" is the new "negative". I mean, just look at what is happening in the world, reality is pretty damn negative. Just to add to the mess, I am in America, which arguably is in the top 5 of the worst places in the world to be at right now. I was (very) over the bullshit that 2020 gave me, no real human contact, no in-person labs (I love chem and bio labs so much, you don't even know), no joy, no direction. So, I allowed myself to be delusional for a brief moment. Believe me, it was a very brief moment, it barely existed. 

One of the most annoying things last year for me was toxic positivity. I do appreciate the notion of finding positivity even in dark times. But when it is taken too far, it serves no good for my mental health. I think sometimes, shit is bad and you just can't be bothered to "find positivity". Because quite frankly, there isn't any. Rather than seeking toxic positivity, I think acknowledging reality would be much more helpful. Positivity isn't escapism. Sometimes, you just aren't ready to pick yourself up and look for "positivity" (or whatever it is). I do find myself enjoying the "negativity" in the form of sarcasm, read: memes. 2020 was probably the best memes year for people of the internet. Love that for us. 

I think every fiber in my body has already given up on being hopeful. I've lost count of how many times I said "I hope when this is over, I can..." Will it ever be over? We must continue regardless. A part of me just wants to pretend that 2020 didn't happen. Another part of me was grateful that it happened. Happy or miserable, I learned a lot in 2020. 

The first month of 2021 is passing by like the winter wind blowing through my messy hair strands. I can't help but think if 2020 wasn't 2020 if it was just another year, would I have been in a better place. I can't help but wonder would 2021 hurt me any less. 

So at last,

Here we are, no choice but to move forward. I don't know if we would ever move on from 2020 but we have to move forward regarlessly.