Daily rant_Grumpy and anxious me
Not a fun time to be alive, is it?
I'm not here to talk about the damn virus which is threatening the global economy and overall well being. It ain't even a living thing. It stresses me out how much that tiny little bastard screwed everything up for us, complex ultra-intelligent multicellular organism (*wink, maybe not that intelligent but you get the point)
I' ve been very grumpy and anxious. Anxious because though I am (maybe?) smart enough to avoid misleading information, I'm still bombarded with headlines, clickbaity or not, all day, every day. I guess it's a fault in my part. I could have switched off social media and meditated instead. But I didn't. I mean, hey, in such fast-paced and technology-driven time, getting off the grid is equivalent to returning to ashes. I'm grumpy because things aren't going as planned. But again has anything in one's life ever gone as planned? Probably not.
In such a strange time, I should have been kinder, more compassionate. I should have done something else that serves a greater purpose than mindlessly scrolling. But all of these should-haves, which let's be honest, have worsened my mental health for years, not just only now, they once again, weighing me down.
I get triggered even by the smallest things. Like how mom trying to "cheer me up" by being bubbly and positive and I'm just not in a mood for it. Like when it took my housemates too long to make their god damn dinner (when it was supposed to be my time to cook). I was #hangry and the worst part of it all, I almost went off. I had a little attitude which is a big deal because I don't normally have an attitude toward them. I just don't care enough (ya know?). Probably because I lost so much control of my life. I'm seeking an alternative to weekly planning and arranging my life.
Here I am, yet again complaining about my first world's problems while other people are struggling (like for real, struggling). I am very aware that I'm in a privileged position and that I am grateful. But then the demon inside of me just having her moment.
I hope the sun will be brighter on the other end of the road once we get there.
I'm not here to talk about the damn virus which is threatening the global economy and overall well being. It ain't even a living thing. It stresses me out how much that tiny little bastard screwed everything up for us, complex ultra-intelligent multicellular organism (*wink, maybe not that intelligent but you get the point)
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| Everything is canceled but spring |
In such a strange time, I should have been kinder, more compassionate. I should have done something else that serves a greater purpose than mindlessly scrolling. But all of these should-haves, which let's be honest, have worsened my mental health for years, not just only now, they once again, weighing me down.
I get triggered even by the smallest things. Like how mom trying to "cheer me up" by being bubbly and positive and I'm just not in a mood for it. Like when it took my housemates too long to make their god damn dinner (when it was supposed to be my time to cook). I was #hangry and the worst part of it all, I almost went off. I had a little attitude which is a big deal because I don't normally have an attitude toward them. I just don't care enough (ya know?). Probably because I lost so much control of my life. I'm seeking an alternative to weekly planning and arranging my life.
Here I am, yet again complaining about my first world's problems while other people are struggling (like for real, struggling). I am very aware that I'm in a privileged position and that I am grateful. But then the demon inside of me just having her moment.
I hope the sun will be brighter on the other end of the road once we get there.
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